"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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