I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
