***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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