Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
