i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
where are my eyebrows?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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