I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
