oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
