I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
