i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
