We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize