Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
