i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
