I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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