i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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