if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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