I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
