I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
sick fucks of a feather flock together
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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