Dude my mom stole all your condoms
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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