I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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