I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
