I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
