How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
