I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
