my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
