God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
