There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
