you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
