hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
