At least make sure they are 18
Why
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
