i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
