Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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