you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
