Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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