at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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