i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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