even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize