it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
