I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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