this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
