Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
