capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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