I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
