You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't deserve a penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
