I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
