God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
