Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i will never coherently bang her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
