I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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