Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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