the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
