New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
