so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
