It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
