Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
