You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
