So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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