god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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