We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
