The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i love accidental penises.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
