I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
