I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
