Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So squirting runs in the family.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
