Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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