wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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