So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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