Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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