I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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