The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize