she woke up with a sticky ear
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
