I just found puke in my bra..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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