Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
