I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
