CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
