6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
