they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
