My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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