Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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