I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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