I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
