i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
