God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
