Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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