About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
