In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
